The "Resenteeism" Trend and the Real Reasons People Feel Resentful at Work
The "Resenteeism" Trend and the Real Reasons People Feel Resentful at Work
Leaders have three jobs when it comes to addressing resentment in themselves and their teams.
I’ve been reading about “resenteeism” at work, a so-called “new trend” where employees stay in their jobs despite deep-seated resentment and dissatisfaction.
The term implies someone physically present but emotionally disengaged because they may feel undervalued, overworked, or unappreciated.
Is Resentment at Work Really a New Thing?
Much like “quiet quitting” a few years ago, much of the fretting about resenteeism is directed at Gen Z and younger Millennial employees, as though no one over 45 has ever been resentful at work!
Everyone reading this, no matter their age, has been resentful at work. Everyone has had moments of feeling undervalued, overworked, and underappreciated. It is not just Gen Z! Resentment is one of the most frequently expressed negative emotions at work.
Sure, some people check out when they get resentful. Some people get all micro-managey. Some get nasty or gossipy. Some get passive-aggressive. Some lean into a “poor me” martyr complex.
None of these are great ways to deal with resentment, so let’s see if we can find a better way.
As leaders, our job when it comes to resentment is to:
Interrogate our resentment towards others and attempt to repair it
Examine our part in causing others’ resentment and attempt to repair it
Address systemic issues when they are within our power.
Let’s take these one at a time.
1. Interrogate our own resentment as leaders
If you’d asked me ten years ago what caused me to feel resentment at work, my answer would have been other people’s behavior.
I saw a clear cause and effect:
The cause: someone was a jerk to me.
The effect: I got resentful.
Clearly, if everyone else in the world would act as I expect them to, I wouldn’t be resentful.
But I’ve learned that resentment is a bit of a canary in a coal mine.
When I feel resentment, it’s usually not the resentment that is the problem, the resentment is a symptom of other problems.
Problem #1: Poorly set boundaries lead to resentment
Have you heard of the work resentment sandwich? That’s where you are resentful of your bosses AND your direct reports AT THE SAME TIME because NONE OF THEM appreciate you and understand just how much you’re giving up to do a good job.
I was complaining to my friend Valley about how I was working Saturdays on things my bosses wanted and on Sundays to review and edit things my team had been working on, and IF JUST ONE OF THEM WOULD APPRECIATE MY EFFORTS AND SACRIFICE then I would be SO RESENTFUL ALL THE TIME.
Valley, who is excellent at listening but also willing to call a spade a spade, said, “In my experience, resentment is usually caused by a poorly set boundary.”
Record scratch moment.
I was resentful because I was working weekends and didn’t want to be.
I was resentful because, during the interview process, there had been a lot of big talk about work-life balance (because of course there was, and there always is), but the reality was there weren’t enough hours in the day.
No one had told me I had to work weekends. And my very first response to Valley was that there was no way to get out of it because of overwork.
But when I started to think about it, I started to see that I could establish some boundaries that prevented weekend work, such as:
Blocking off time on my calendar during the week to do my work, so it wouldn’t be instantly overscheduled with meetings
Building in longer lead times and deadlines for projects that weren’t urgent
Proactively communicating to my team that I wasn’t available on weekends except in the event of an emergency.
I will write another post with more examples of boundary setting at work, but if this is a problem for you, I highly recommend Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book on Setting Boundaries and Finding Peace.
Problem #2: Jealousy leads to resentment
Often when I am resentful, I am just jealous that someone else is doing something I could also be doing but am not doing.
That might look like being resentful of someone else because they:
Never work nights or weekends, when you always do
Take off time during the day to take their kids to appointments when you don’t
Toot their own horn while you work in obscurity
Stop when a project is “good enough” instead of perfect
Don’t lose sleep over going over their budget while you carefully manage yours
Take two-week vacations every summer while you’re surviving on a few three-day weekends
Go off the grid on vacations while you are tied to Slack in between water park rides
There are two fixes for this kind of resentment:
You either allow yourself the same ease and privileges they allow themselves (assuming you have some autonomy in your job)
You understand that you are CHOOSING to work the way you do, and other people make different choices. There is tremendous power in choice.
Problem #3: Other people being big jerks leads to resentment
It can definitely cause resentment when other people are big jerks at work. But if you are a leader with some authority and autonomy, it’s up to you to leverage your leadership skills to address the jerks. More on this in a future post.
Willingness to address and seek the root causes of your resentment is one thing.
Dealing with resentment among people who report to you is an entirely different issue.
2. Examine our part in causing others’ resentment and attempt to repair it
Let’s assume resentful people are not snowflake whiners.
While it is true that resentments might be caused by poorly set boundaries and/or jealousy, for you to call a team member in and tell them their resentment is their fault is not going to go well.
Remember they probably don’t have the experience, autonomy, or authority that you do to set boundaries.
When it becomes clear to you that someone on your team is being eaten up by resentment or “resenteeism” you should make a good faith effort to understand that there may be very real factors at play, such as:
Getting more work than they can manage
Facing pressure to work longer hours than expected
Receiving insufficient appreciation for their contributions
Experiencing unfair treatment
Performing meaningless or unnecessary work due to unclear roles and expectations
Being subjected to either micromanagement or absentee management
Enduring an unfair distribution of work
Struggling with a lack of work-life balance
Navigating office politics
Competing in an unhealthy environment
Dealing with unresolved conflicts with colleagues
Lacking adequate support, training, or resources
These are real issues that are not in people’s heads.
While you can’t make everyone happy all of the time, dedicate real curiosity and effort to understanding—and trying to fix when possible—the source of resentment.
3. Address systemic issues when they are within our power.
There will be causes of resentment that are within your power to change and those that aren’t.
Be willing to hear and absorb some bigger, systemic issues at your company that may or may not be under your control, such as:
Toxic work culture
Microaggressions based on gender, sexuality, religion, race, or other factors
Poor leadership and management from the top
Unfair compensation and benefits
Lack of career development opportunities
Ineffective change management
If these things are within your control, change them.
If they aren’t within your control, you can elevate them to those who can change them, and you can VALIDATE the employees who are struggling with them.
Writing Prompt
Set a timer for 10 minutes.
Think about your biggest resentment at work, whether it is at someone who has power over you or someone over whom you have power.
Is there a boundary that you could set that would ease that resentment?
If this post resonates and you’d like to see if we’d be a good fit for executive coaching, I invite you to set up a free consultation to learn more.